my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
