I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
