No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize