he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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