guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
