i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
