she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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