Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
