he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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