Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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