I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When are your genitals available?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
