glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize