I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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