guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
