I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
