paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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