There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize