dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
