I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
