Got a toothbrush?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
