I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
