Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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