actually, I'm a sock model
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
