you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
