he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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