How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
