you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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