dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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