i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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