Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm passing your future prison.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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