Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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