My brain says no but my pants say off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize