Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
