Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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