His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
