Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
