at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
