***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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