3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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