I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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