I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
