Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How naked do you want me to be?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
