I am midnight drunk by noon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
