No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
