took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize