You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
