i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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