you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
