if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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