I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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