there was a trapeze. enough said
tonight lets celebrate not being married
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
