every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
