Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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