He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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