i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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