i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
