yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize