He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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