Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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