so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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