I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
