if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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