Redeem this text for a blowjob
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
