shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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