I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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