textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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