Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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