Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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