I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
