Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
