if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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