ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you traded sex for a burrito?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
