can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
