I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
