Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My room smells like vodka and shame
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
