the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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