im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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