I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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