I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
