Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
