i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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