The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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