i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
