I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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