I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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