My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
